New Rules

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the world has changed since I was a child. My mother used to instill various ‘mantras’ into me – things like… ‘breakfast most important meal of the day…’

I’ve lived by these little gems all my life – then I suddenly find out that … ‘breakfast, most important meal of the day’ was actually a marketing slogan dreamt up by ‘Kellogg’ the breakfast cereal manufacturer. Talk about ruining my childhood.

My wife came out with one this morning when she said – ‘have you noticed how mirror signal manoeuvre has become manoeuvre finger accelerate…’

How about modern versions of classic sayings?

‘Always open the door for a lady … – ‘how do I do this when we’re all ‘gender neutral’. …?

‘Manners cost nothing….’ – ‘well actually they do when learnt at a finishing school’

‘Do as I say, not as I do…’ – ‘well that one allows you free reign to do anything’

‘It’s not what’s on the outside that counts, but what’s on the inside’ – this can’t be true in Manchester – where Louis Vuitton, Gucci and Stone Island obviously count for everything …?

‘Always smile and others will smile back …’ – have you tried this in London – you’d get arrested.

‘Always eat your greens…’ – obviously replaced by…. ‘never eat anything but greens…’ – thanks to the vegan society for that one.

‘Manners maketh man ..’ again there are no ‘men’ anymore as we are all gender fluid …so that ones gone.

‘An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay’ – well…. we’ve now found out that apples contain more than your daily allowance of sugars – so that one’s defunct.

‘Don’t cry over spilt milk…’ – well duh… if you have a dairy allergy this can be pretty bad – so crying may help.

‘It’s nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix…’ – again – well duh – who sleeps anymore ???

Anybody else got any???

Mike C